


red hot lights

by forestvssl (orphan_account)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 04:20:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8148938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/forestvssl
Summary: "i knew he would find someone he loved, i just had always thought that that person would end up being me."





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: (spoiler!) self-hatred, anxiety mentions, suicide  
> ((please don't read this if you are easily triggered your health and safety is worth way more than my dumb story!!))

-

 

_i gave you everything again._

 

my flat was silent. there were no sounds except for my muffled cries to be heard those nights after he told me he was leaving. i had no reason to get up or to even move. what was the point of living if you have no purpose? i swore to myself a long time ago that i would never get bad again, but everyone breaks promises, right?

i thought i had banished those worries, but i guess not, because now they were real. i gave him too much control and now i faced the consequences.

i always knew he would find someone he loved.

i always knew someone would find him.

i just had always thought that that person would end up being me.


	2. two

-

 

_and when i think of where we've been, i can't believe it._

 

i wonder if he remembers all those good times we had. i mean they aren't important anymore, really. when he first asked me to move in with him, i was probably the happiest i had ever been.

my life finally seemed to start looking up, but i knew it couldn't last for long because someone as weak as me can't be saved. this isn't some fairytale your mum reads to you before you go to bed. i knew that deep down all along, but i never dreamed it would hurt this bad.

i miss the days when we would talk for hours about nothing and everything. i miss being able to go anywhere with him, because he was just across the hall. i miss being with him

when we first met up in manchester, after months of chatting on skype, i couldn't believe he came. i thought it was a joke and no one was going to show up, but right before i was about to leave he called out my name.

i ran over and hugged him because he was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

i miss that.


	3. three

-

 

_cause' i didn't know back then._

 

a lot can change in a small amount of time.

i did not know that of course when i moved in though, because if i knew this was coming i would have never done it.

everything went fine for a few years until he met her.

it was the perfect love story.

he met her in a coffee shop when i was away to see my family. they had both ordered the same drink and instantly clicked when trying to figure out which latte was whose. i know this story very well, as i have heard him retell it just about a thousand times. he never seems to tire of it, since it is the perfect story. and she is the perfect one for him.

it was foolish of me to think that i ever had a chance, but i didn't know, and i fell for him anyway.


	4. four

-

 

_the truth burns as bright as the sun._

 

he is having his house-warming party tonight.

i told him i am sick.

he insisted on me coming.

i told him no.

i don't think he needs me there. he has so many others who are coming, why would he need me there? i decided i'm not going. she will be there for him. she is his new best friend now. she completes him. with her, he burns bright and happy.

i was just the moon that blocked his light.

i used to think that eclipses were the most beautiful thing in the world, but now i know they are the opposite. they symbolize they end of it.


	5. Chapter 5

-

 

_but we did what we had to do._

 

i remember when he told me that he was moving in with her. all I could say was, "that's great."

that night I cried a lot.

i helped him pack his boxes and fold up all the clothes.

he looked so happy. he couldn't stop smiling, but i couldn't stop crying. 

he never saw those tears, though. i could never let him see those tears. i never cried in front of him because i never wanted to hurt him. i could never let him feel sad, even when that was all i felt. luckily i never did.

i knew that i had to be strong so he wouldn't look back and feel pity. i would never wish that upon him.

so i did what i had to and so did he.


	6. Chapter 6

-

 

_now i can see it, standing around._

 

i'm not blind. i can see how happy she makes him.

i can also see how i can't anymore since she's been around.

i stand up and walk to the door of my room. i slowly open it and take a look around the room behind me, for the last time and decide it's time. nothing can be heard except for the quiet padding of my feet across the hallway, over to the kitchen, what used to be our kitchen.

i look in the cabinet for the bottle, feeling around until i feel something in the back. my hand grasps around the small container and i pull it out, shaking.

i swallow the last of the pills and have one last thought:

**goodbye, phil. i loved you.**


End file.
